This was originally spawned in the depths of THIS thread on Nightscrawlers. Most of the stuff you'll see here is from there, only around ten are ACTUALLY mine. Credit them for being so smart-assy, people!!

• You receive an ad for the "Daily Bugle" in the mail.
• The air traffic controllers use military-capable radar so they can pinpoint flying objects smaller than a Cessna and faster than the SR71 Blackbird.
• Those same air traffic controllers have a burnout rate of three weeks.
• You will NEVER get your freak on; comics are rated PG-13 or lower. >D
• People have no problem with superpowered heroes like the Fantastic Four, or the Avengers, or Superman, but if you stick the word "mutant" on them, they suddenly transform into something loathesome for no apparent reason and have to be controlled.
• Medicine takes a sharp left turn. You never suffer complications from being knocked out. You never have cavities or yeast infections/jock itch. People can wake up from comas and be 100% functional, if a bit physically weak, instead of having to relearn how to walk, talk, eat. and think all over again. "Catatonic Schitzophrenia" means "any time someone goes into a coma", and it's completely devoid of such symptoms as waxy mobility and repetitive motions.
• For us girls: you never have monthly accidents staining your clothes.
• When all women you see have breasts bigger than your head.
• When you have a clone.
• When all scars are conveniently placed over your eye.
• When people can shoot at a super-hero 500 times and never hit, but a single solar plasma shot can take down a shark about 800 meters away.
• When trenchcaots aren't suspicious (just sexy).
• You discover that somehow you're related to Scott Summers. Never mind that you're African-American...and a recent immigrant from Haiti....
• People start talking in long, pretentious, stilted blocks of text, despite being in a firefight or running a marathon.
• People also start to state what is happening to them as it happens. "My God! That train! About to hit me -- !*crunch*"
• No one stands "normally". They have to pose in a heroic fashion, fists clenched.
• When, instead of hearing sound, you see strange white balloons over people's heads with text and instead of noises you see big colorful words like CRASH!, POW!, WHOOM!, SNIKT!, BAMF!, etc...
• When half of the population have superpowers.
• When these super-powered people actually form groups to fight crimeand dress in ridiculous spandex suits.
• When you don't have to work to mantain a huge mansion that is destroyed monthly with tons of students in it...
• All the super-powered people look good.
• When alternate realities are everyday occurences.
• When the future is predicted and almost comes true, but not quite.
• When you're born in 1956 and even though it's already 2003, you still are on your mid-20's.
• Your shot in the back, fall into a river and come back a year later after a coma and awake in a mental hospital, conveniently the same hospital holding the person who tried to kill you. Revenge?
• Your personal history changes every month or so.
• When nobody really cares about how your power works, just that it does.
• You not only wear spandex costumes to fight villains, but you also walk around the house all day in them.
• A woman bursts into your mansion and cries "Yes, it is I, your former lover. I know you thought I was dead after that skiing accident but I only had a coma and have been living in Maui with your long-lost sister, Jennifer Lopez. Yes. I AM YOUR MOTHER."
• When someone is about to die, you must ALWAYS shout their name!
• Psychotic criminals who cause a billion dollars worth of damage are regularly put in a prison that they regularly escape from, rather than being sent to the gas chamber.
• The Kree, Skrull, and Shi'Ar all have embassies in Washington DC.
• You've lived through 2 world wars, 9-11, Vietnam, and the crowning of Loius XIV, but have yet to gain one grey hair.
• When you hear that national monuments are destroyed, your reaction is not shock, but annoyance: "Well, guess we'll have to pay to rebuild THAT again!"
• You are an orphan/runaway, yet no one at all pities you at all because you are either a psycho or you have become a national icon.
• Metal detectors never detect an adamantium skeleton.
• When you can pull back your fist for a punch. And then deliver a long winded speech about how hard you are about to hit them and the bad guy doesnt even move to avoid the hit in all the time youve given him.
• No super-hero is chubby...
• JUST THE VILLAINS.
• There's no such thing as Kaopectate, Pepto-Bismal, Ammodium, or any other medicine of the sort sold in drugstores, because no one ever gets diarrhea.
• You stay 14/27/35 years old forever. And if it becomes inconvenient to both look like you're in your 30s and be a WWII icon (cough*Captain America*cough), nobody will ever mention it to you....
• No one ever gets acne, either.
• No matter how many times you kill him, the villian will almost always return for more.
• You have a whole website based on your life and followers of your deeds that ravenge to see meer glimpses of you and draw you naked with uncanny sizes.
• When, no matter how many times you lose your mask, and leave hair, blood, skin and stuff behind you in your missions, the cops never search them for your DNA.
• When you can afford to lose clothes every time you change into your alter-ego.
• When "Save us _____!" seems perfectly normal but you have yet to say "Dangit! We're out of toilet paper again!"
• Fangirls, Anyone?
• When you never have black eyes, concussions, head trauma, broken bones, twisted ankles or internal bleedin' from gettin' smashed through a wall. You only get nosebleeds.
• A pair of glasses is an IMPENITRABLE disguise.
• Spandex outfits give your spleen a regular flossing, because they go so far up in the back...
• Every other person you know is very angsty...
• You live in New York City, and a fight between super-powered freaks breaks out every day at 3:00, just in time for you to come home from school/work.
• Everyone can hear you scream as you fall from a fifty story building, and yet, they all just stand around watchin' until you're conveniently saved by said super-powered people.
• You never know when the next alien invasion/mutant attack/super-hero/-villain battle/'I'm going to take over the world' plot will break out, but you're positive that the news/newspaper will come on/out just in time to inform you, and then no one will really care what happens to you in the aftermath.
• You never got the bill for all the damage you caused "saving" the city from complete annihilation......
• People can't think of anything more exciting to name themselves then "----Man".
• Amnesia is so commonplace that it is no longer considered more than a daily dillemma.
• They never do forensic work (gee what is blue fur and fish scales doing at the scene of the crime).
• Has their been any arrest for vigilante justice?
• You are mortal, but you have a lifespan that matchs Tolkien's elves.
• How many superhero's are needed around New York? What about the rest of the US?
• There are no search warrants?
• Only normal people have cookie-dough IQs. Mutants and superheroes have to be smart.
• "Let's smash some skulls!" doesn't make you snort up your Diet Pepsi in laughter.
• No guys are ever kicked in the nether regions.
• Speaking of said nether regions, you're shirt, pant legs, and shoes will be ripped to nothing but fabric around your crotch area (and bosoms, if you be female) are unharmed every time.
• Clinton, Bush, and other recent world leaders never existed.
• Even if your arch enemy lives five feet away from you, you'll NEVER get the chance to kill him/her.
• Your Aunt, next door neighbor, your whole neighborhood even, have no idea your the hero who has saved them numerous times and seem to be oblivious to the exiting and entrancing of your back door (driveway/window).
• All alien races speak English better than any known human.
• If you're a gal, no doctor ever has to rip open your shirt to get to your wound, even if it's your heart.