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You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.
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You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka.
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You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.
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You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.
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You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.
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You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.
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No one expects you to kiss and not tell.
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You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.
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You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
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You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home and on your computer.
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Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men's locker room.
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You understand why the good Lord created spandex.
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You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.
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You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don't, you know how to fake it.
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You know how to get back at just about everyone.
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Your pets always have great names.
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Nobody expects you to change a tire.
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You're the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.
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You know how to get a waiter's attention.
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You only wear polyester when you mean to.
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At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.
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You are, hands down, your nephew's and nieces' favorite uncle.
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You get to choose your family.
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You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.
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You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
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You wouldn't be caught dead in Hooters.
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You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.
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You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
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You've always got an opinion, and don't mind sharing it.
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You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
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You know how to "air kiss".
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You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having... and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you've been for two weeks.
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You know how to dress strategically.
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You know when to move out and move on.
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You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
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You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't necessarily an insult.
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You wouldn't buy someone a mug for their birthday.
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You know which wine to bring.
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Sales clerks don't mess with you.
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You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
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You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.
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You've just about defeated the accent you were born with.
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You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach.
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You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
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You have the latest International Male catalog.
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You wouldn't dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.
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You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.