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Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you.
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Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
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Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
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Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
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Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
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At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
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Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
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Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
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Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
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Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
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Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
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Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
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Leave some phoney dog poop on top of the deceased.
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Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.
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Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood.
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Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.
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Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.
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Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.
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Take up a collection to pay off the deceased's gambling debts.
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Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on.
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Put crazy-glue on the deceased's lips just before the widow's last kiss.
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Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.
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If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her nose.
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When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's mouth.
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Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.
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At the cemetary take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.
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Goose the widow as she bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.
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Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.
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Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the coffin for back-taxes.
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Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased.