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Silly Christians!

Thank God for church secretaries. These sentences actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church
services:

  • Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be
    speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha
    Belch all the way from Africa.
  •  The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
    The sermon tonight:  'Searching for Jesus.'
  •  Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to
    get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
    Don't forget your husbands.
  • Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way
    again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  •  Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors
    for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping
    and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October
    24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in
    their school days.
  • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
    church hall. Music will follow.
  • Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items
    to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
    deceased person you want remembered.
  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
    entertainment and gracious hostility.
  • Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and
    medication to follow.
  • The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every
    kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  • This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the
    park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come
    prepared to sin.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
    a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall
    after the B.S. is done.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
    p.m. Please use the back door.
  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
    Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The
    congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
    campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up
    Yours.'