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Silly Thoughts

  • Where did hamsters live before we put them in cages as a pet?
  • Why do people say "no offense" when they're about to offend someone?
  • Why do they have the back pain medicine on the bottom shelf at the pharmacy?
  • They have a show called "Unsolved Mysteries." What other kind of mysteries are there?
  • Do they make coffins wider for dead fat people or is it a 1 size fits all kind of thing?
  • If Santa lives at the North Pole... where does the Easter bunny live?
  • Does Jell-o ever go bad? There usually isnt an expiration date on it!
  • When the person who writes the obituaries dies, who writes their obituary?
  • Why do old men have hair in their ears?
  • Why are buttons on guys' shirts on a different side than girls' shirts?
  • If bunnies don't lay eggs why is it on Easter that we hide eggs from the Easter Bunny?
  • Why are things typed up but written down?
  • How come you can kill a deer and put it on your wall but it's a illegal to keep them as a pet?
  • Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
  • In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
  • If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
  • If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
  • What does OK actually mean?
  • What does the K in K-mart actually stand for?
  • Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?
  • Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner?
  • Why do donuts have holes?
  • Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other?
  • Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning?
  • Is light still faster than sound when it's going through your TV, and if so, when you get a live broadcast from China or something shouldn't all the sounds come after the actions?
  • Do the different "M&M's"® colors taste different?
  • If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?
  • If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
  • If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
  • Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?
  • Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
  • Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?
  • How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
  • Why is the abbreviation for pound lb. when l or b isn't in the word pound?
  • Why do the call the angel of death an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering?
  • Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up?
  • If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm?
  • If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?
  • If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
  • Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?
  • Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place?
  • Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running foward?
  • If you tell someone they are being judgmental arnt you being judgmental yourself?
  • Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?
  • How come no matter what color the liquid is the froth is always white?
  • Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
  • Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance?
  • Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels?
  • Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
  • Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
  • If someone can't see, they're blind. If someone can't hear, they're deaf...so what do you call people who can't smell?
  • How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?
  • Why would Superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
  • Why is it called a TV set when there's only one?
  • If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
  • How did the headless horseman know where he was going?
  • Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?
  • Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?
  • How come some Little Debbie snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually?
  • Do cows drink milk?
  • Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name?
  • If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
  • Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out??
  • What is a male ladybug called?
  • Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?
  • Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
  • If you wore a teflon suit, could you ever end up in a sticky situation?
  • How fast do hotcakes sell?
  • If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
  • Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
  • Does the President have to pay taxes?
  • Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on christmas lights?
  • If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair?
  • If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
  • Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
  • Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
  • Isn't it kinda ominous to put your tax returns in the mail box and put up the little red flag?
  • What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.
  • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  • Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?
  • Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
  • What do you call a female daddy long legs?
  • If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
  • Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  • If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?
  • In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do they have to ask for American toast?
  • Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
  • Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
  • If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound ?
  • Do vampires get AIDS?
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
  • Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?
  • Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?
  • If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
  • Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
  • Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?
  • Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
  • Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
  • What do people in China call their good plates?
  • Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
  • If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds?
  • Does a postman deliver his own mail?
  • Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
  • If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
  • Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken?
  • Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?
  • Does peanut butter really have butter in it?
  • Do mimes watch silent movies?
  • Is the fear of flying groundless?
  • Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?
  • Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
  • Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?
  • If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?
  • Why are boxing rings square?
  • Why is it called pineapple, when's there neither pine nor apple in it?
  • Why is it called eggplant, when there's no egg in it?
  • Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  • Why do birds have white poop?
  • Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
  • Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when its going down?
  • Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.
  • If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
  • If you accidently ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
  • Do sore thumbs really stick out?
  • Why is it when your almost dead your on deaths doorstep, but when your actually dead your not in deaths house?
  • Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?
  • What's the opposite of opposite?
  • If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
  • Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are smaller than your finger nails?
  • Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack"?
  • If you try to fail and suceed, what did you just do?
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
  • Why is the blackboard green?
  • Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?
  • Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
  • What do you call male ballerinas?
  • How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
  • If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
  • Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
  • Did they have antiques in the olden days?
  • Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
  • If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
  • Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
  • What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
  • Where does the white go when the snow melts?
  • Can blind people see in their dreams?
  • If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
  • Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
  • Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
  • Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
  • Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
  • Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
  • If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
  • If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?
  • Why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?
  • If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
  • Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?
  • Why do we leave expensive cars in the drivway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?
  • Why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of skating rings?
  • What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?
  • Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?
  • What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
  • Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
  • If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
  • Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
  • Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
  • What would happen if an Irresistable Force met an Immovable Object?
  • What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?
  • If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?
  • How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
  • How can you hear yourself think?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
  • Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
  • Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
  • How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?
  • If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?
  • If a man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
  • Ff you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
  • Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?
  • Why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
  • Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?
  • How can something be new and improved? If it's new, what was it improving on?
  • Is Disney world the only people-trap operated by a mouse?
  • Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
  • Why do The Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Mary Had a Little Lamb all have the same tune?
  • Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
  • How does santa get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?
  • If you get cheated by the better business bereau, who do you complain to?
  • If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
  • What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
  • What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?
  • I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
  • If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
  • Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
  • If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
  • How come overtones and undertones are the same thing?
  • What would you use to dilute water?
  • What should one call a male ladybird?
  • How can military troops be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin with?
  • If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?
  • Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
  • If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
  • Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  • Aren't all generalizations false?
  • Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
  • Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
  • Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling "Movie! Movie!"?
  • Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
  • Could someone ever get addicted to counseling?
  • If so, how could you treat them?
  • Did Adam and Eve have navels?
  • Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
  • Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
  • But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
  • Do fish get cramps after eating?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
  • Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
  • Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
  • Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
  • Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?